Ramblings of a dire strait man

Random poetics

It’s a baby step world and we’re all learning to walk. Faltering under atlas pressure.

Timepass, past time, always fighting two sides of myself. Social antisocial, jekyll hyde tug-o-war. No side winning just a sport of the evening.

Psychotic, sociopathic, enigmatic mess of a man. Delving deep into subconscious, diseased mind emblematic. Skull and bones frail and chipped away at.

The Life Intoxicated 

-Silence maddening, relating so fattening. Listening to struggled conversations amid the boisterous amalgamation. Of voices and chatter mingling among the ether. Unfathomable sirens singing a quaint refrain. Endless banter, fruitful coexistence turn to dwindling murmurs of the bar scene.

Escaping luxurious remnants of the bygone drunken haze. Whence pity and apathy comingled at every pathetic stage. Onlookers wince at the foolish inebriated ass. Passing by a downtrodden dunce looking for earthly delights and sin. Collapsing on self, the final act of spite. Searching for life lessons one ounce at a time.

My heart is hurting ever so slightly. Mightily it beateth in the cold cavity. Dusty coffin it has indeed become. Stake in its place waiting for steady hands. Shaking rhythmic fashion piloting the disorganized body. One more roll for the killing joke. One more coal for the fires stoked.

Am I beast or simpering fool? Never deciding which, just coasting along. Reaching rocky bottom looking for space to dwell aching head. Vicious cycles on repeat, dry rinse the hurtful life debt. Laundry list of unforgiven pasts. Multiformed lives, passing through existential tests. Pick the queen a hard enough task. Full monty play with the onus on the animal.

Hate self-hate. Spiraling cosmic bitterness, vertigo darkness. Round and round, twirl doth the emotions do. Growing, evolving, darkened patterns dippling the clouded skies of the internal demon. Lighten the load off Orion’s belt. Constellation seen and awed upon when on a good trip. Astronomy redux, starlight beckoned, cup of life sip. One after another till satiety reached. 

Stepping into the femme world

I placed them upon my feet, walked a mile in her shoes. Felt the sting of eyes on my body. The odd whispers about my appearance. The tough walk shadowing a frail center. Looking, always looking as I pass through the haze. Silent judgements growing in my mind. Condescension appearing like little ringlets at the mouths of manchildren. They task me, haunt my train of thought, a vivid mind going to waste.

Pressure skin deep, many lives to live, many channels to board. I do it all with grace uncanny. Demure in destitution. Sexually gratifying even in sickness. Gross abuses taken in stride. Waft airily along like a Mary Poppins marionette. Shifting, bending, weighing heavier on myself each passing day.

I cannot take it anymore. I break down, a hunk of machinery left to rust. No time to wallow, back up the rails I go to work another shift. Always working, never piecing a time for me. To take to the fight for equality seems to break the camel’s back. Two humps disheveled but alas my tasks are never done.